How to make friends as an adult

I’ve moved countries more times than I can count on one hand and every single time I’ve had to start from scratch. No childhood friends to rely on, no built-in local network from school or uni. Just me, my suitcase and a hopeful smile. And let me tell you—how to make friends as an adult is a question I’ve had to answer for myself more than once. It’s a bit of an art form. Especially when you don’t have kids. Parents of small children seem to collect new friends at playgrounds, kindy events, little Johnny’s football practice and at the school gates. Even if they don’t click right away, proximity and repetition often do the work. Friends with older kids tell me it gets harder once the kids get more independent. But what if there are no kids in the picture at all?

Well, then you’ve got to get a bit more creative.

Join a group. Any group.

One of the best ways I’ve made new friends over the years is by joining groups. Sports groups, interest-based groups, hobby clubs—anything where people regularly show up and talk to each other. It doesn’t even need to be your life’s passion. I’ve done photography classes, cooking workshops, upholstery classes, joined outdoor workout groups and book clubs. Sometimes you meet no one, sometimes you meet someone who becomes a lifelong friend. It’s worth the punt.

Look for cultural or expat groups

Now, ideally, I don’t move to a new country just to hang out with fellow Germans. I want to immerse myself in the culture and meet locals. But at the beginning, joining an expat or community from your home country can really help. It takes the edge off loneliness and you’ll often meet others who are also looking to make connections. Some of those friendships will stay, others might simply be stepping stones into wider circles.

Say yes to invitations (even the awkward ones)

This one’s big. Say yes. Even if you think you’ve got nothing in common with the person. Even if it’s not quite your vibe. You just don’t know who else you’ll meet at that dinner, hike or language exchange. I’ve met some brilliant people simply because I went along to something I wasn’t that keen on. Say yes and go with an open mind.

Be the connector

If you meet someone lovely, don’t keep them to yourself. Introduce them to others. Host casual dinners, group walks, coffee catch-ups. That “one nice person” might introduce you to three more. It’s a ripple effect. And being generous with your connections often means others will return the favour.

Volunteer

Volunteering is another great way to meet people. You’re thrown into a team environment, working towards something good—which often leads to real, grounded conversations. Plus, you’ll meet people of all ages and backgrounds you might not normally cross paths with.

Use technology (selectively… and then log off)

Technology isn’t just for dating. I’ve had luck with finding likeminded people on Instagram, in local Facebook groups, Meetup.com and Internations. But—and it’s a big but—you do have to move things into real life at some point. Don’t hide behind the screen forever. It’s easy to get stuck in the scroll or endless messaging loop, but real friendships happen face-to-face. So take a deep breath, suggest a coffee and meet up. That’s where the magic happens.

Stick around

Friendships as an adult take time. You can’t expect to meet your new best mate in week two. It takes repeated contact, a bit of vulnerability and a willingness to show up. Keep going back. Be the one who organises the next catch-up. It might feel like slow progress, but the friendships that do form tend to be stronger for it.

Don’t wait for people to find you

This one took me a while to learn. I used to hope that if I just kept showing up somewhere, someone would eventually talk to me and things would click. But the truth is, if you want to make friends as an adult, you need to take the first step. Be the one to say hello. Be the one to suggest a coffee. Follow up after you’ve met someone interesting. It might feel a bit bold at first, but most people are just as keen to connect—they’re just waiting for someone else to make the move. So go on, be that person.

Don’t limit yourself to people “just like you”

It’s tempting to look for friends who are the same age, same background, same lifestyle. But honestly? Some of my most interesting and meaningful friendships have come from connecting with people I wouldn’t have expected. Different cultural backgrounds, different generations, completely different careers—it doesn’t matter. In fact, it often makes things richer. If you keep an open mind and stay curious, you’ll be surprised by the depth and variety of friendships that can grow.

It’s definitely more effort than back in school days when friends were handed to you in the classroom. But there’s something very satisfying about building a circle of people around you, piece by piece. Some of my dearest friends? I met them well into my forties. It’s never too late. If you’re wondering how to make friends as an adult—because you’ve just moved cities, entered a new life stage or simply want to widen your circle—it’s absolutely possible. You just need to start somewhere.

Even if that somewhere is a pottery class where your bowl ends up looking like a deflated croissant.